Home Away From Home

There is a place where people can go without a reason. It is there that the reason can be found. The thrill of the hunt drives some to drive to their destination. Others simply stop by for a chance to stroll aimlessly. Those folks aren't getting paid much to don orange aprons and get asked why exactly CFL bulbs are so great. The home depot has drawn many people from all walks of life to its vast warehouse of power tools, wood, and scary forklift drivers. It isn't just the forklift drivers who slept through diversity training. A middle aged man, we'll call him Homer, must have been counting sheep as they leapt over a 4x10 inverted arc double post solid oak gate that he built himself. I had the chance to meet him when I stopped by Home Depot myself. As I entered the store, a lady at the checkout counter was doing just that. I turned to look for someone who wasn't busy and she finally spoke. A quick greeting later I was on my way. Around the corner was Homer. He asked if I need help finding anything. I told him that I was looking for the gardening section. We started in the appropriate direction as he began asking questions. I said that I would like to plant a few flowers on my balcony. He began to drone on about all of the products they sold. A moment later, he caught himself in mid-sales pitch and said, "Flowers?". He stopped and asked if I wanted plants or flowers. I assured him that it was definitely flowers. Plants are for making things like food, shelter, and high definition flat screen TVs. After he was convinced that it was flowers and not plants that I wanted, we resumed walking - in the same direction. We walked and talked and I said that I would like something that I can get to grow on my small balcony. He responded dismissively by saying that I meant to get something that is already growing. This certainly wasn't the case, but he had no other option in mind. We walked right past the seed section and up to a long aisle of plants. "Any of these will do fine in partial sun" he boasted. It is written that pride comes before the Fall. Well this guy was a day late and a few cents short. Summer ended two days ago. He showed me several stacks of pots and said they also had planters. Now I love peanuts, but I was looking for something in which to plant flowers. At the end of another aisle we found long wood planting boxes. This was what I was looking for so I thanked him for his help. I might suppose that the thanks helped Homer feel appreciated for it was at that time that he offered more help. He then described where I could find the potting soil. (Homer was a dead ringer for Brett Favre. He was over the hill, had grey hair, and just didn't know when to quit.) The unsolicited advice continued as the overly helpful Homer proceeded to let me know how to plant my plants. It was the same process I had used for flowers. Anyway, he acted as though I had never done such a thing. I was to get some of this potting soil, place it in the planter box, then take the plant (or flower) out of its pot, place it in the dirt, put some dirt around the plant (take your pick), and then water it. Again I thanked him. This time it worked. Homer disappeared down the aisle, but not before suggesting that I find him if I had any more questions. I browsed through the vast selection of plants and flowers. The aisle that he suggested was almost exclusively populated with plants that needed full sun. I kept looking for something that might work in the shade. Once I was sure Homer was out of sight, I walked over to the seed section. Ignoring Homer's orderly instructions, I dropped the seeds into my new planter box. After that, I picked out a bag of dirt. I put the box with the seeds on top of the dirt bag (no, I didn't make Homer carry the box) and hoisted it all myself. Once back inside, the nice greeter lady was earning every dime by wandering aimlessly. She spotted me and offered to check me out. It was nice of her to ask this time. Like Homer, she went the extra mile, and totaled up my purchases. I paid for everything and left for home.