Shock and Awe

There I was, pulling into the Wal-Mart parking lot. I found a parking spot and did what any good driver would: I parked. It was a Friday night and the store was crowded with people. Ahead I saw two sets of automatic doors. After careful examination, I finally found the door marked entrance as I walked through the opposite doorway. It was too late, the automatic door had opened and I was in. There was a greeter standing to the side of the next entrance. The greeter didn't say a word, but the entrance alarms started to sing. Men stopped, ladies stared, and the carol continued. A line was starting to form around the exit (the opposite side) but I didn't have time to sign autographs. The greeter shot a look at a shocked young lady as if to say "move along, there's nothing to see here". Clearly, the lady disagreed and refused to move until security had inspected her shopping bag. Just inside there was an assortment of fruits and vegetables all around. After the Mcdonald's was the fresh produce section. Next up was the frozen foods section where you can buy all sorts of food that is supposed to be served hot. I wasn't here for the food so I continued on to the electronics department. Here I found a shelf filled with the latest digital cameras. Just behind the cameras, Wal-Mart cleverly stationed a young lady behind a checkout stand. This appeared only to be a cover for her actual role as security guard for the digital cameras. Her eyes remained transfixed on the target area as a line of customers inquired in vain for an actual cashier. I didn't find a camera to buy, so I headed away. Fortunately, Wal-Mart was generous enough to offer the young lady a break and her gaze wandered off towards a line of flat-screen tvs that were setup right behind my path to the outdoors department. There I resumed my hunt for the elusive Rayovac 9 volt battery. I never come up short, but I didn't find what I needed so I left the land of camouflage and camp stoves. As I rounded the corner of the cosmetics department, I spotted a young boy pushing a grocery cart. I wouldn't say he was ugly but he didn't need any makeup. The middle school kid was following his mom around the store. His pursuit came to a grinding halt as he turned his gaze upward. My face blocked his view of the Wal-Mart ceiling and he let out a gasp of expression. It wasn't a look of disappointment at not being able to see the ventilation pipes overhead. No, this was old-fashioned shock and awe. Just before I finished counting his teeth, he pressed his lips together to say "mom". I didn't fit the title and continued walking. The boy then said excuse me and asked my height. I responded. The boy then called to his mom to "come see this". A while later, a woman waddled up to her son's side. She followed his outstretched arm and finger until her gaze was fixed upon myself. I was waiting a few steps away for the arrival of the boy's parent and promptly said hello. Her reverie remained unbroken as she evaluated her son's remarkable find. The lady finally returned the greeting and returned to her shopping. I did the same. The boy then exclaimed that he needed a picture. I was already several aisles away perusing possible purchases. The boy persisted and found me only a minute later. Without question, he pulled out his camera phone and began to shoot pictures of me from across the main aisle. When the photo shoot ended, he exclaimed about my height and announced that he now had a new wallpaper. I didn't have any decorating advice for the kid so I left the paparazzi prodigy and continued my search for batteries. The ones I needed were at the checkout counter shelf. I forgave the frivolity and purchased the batteries. This time I found the exit and escaped without causing any more commotion.